Dogs are animals that poop in public and you’re supposed to pick it up. After a week of doing this, you’ve got to ask yourself, “Who’s the real master in this relationship?”

Anthony Griffin

Warning: This will be a dog poop rant so if you are overly sensitive, brace yourself.

Today we are going to talk about ‘dog poop’ And, by we, I mean me and by “are going to talk” I mean, I’m going to rant and hopefully someone will listen. I’ll start with this simple message: “Pick up your dog’s poop!” Seriously, people – Pick.It.Up. This really shouldn’t need to be said out loud. I mean isn’t it kind of obvious? You have a dog in your life. Your dog poops. That poop has to be thrown away (again, I thought this was an obvious one but clearly we’re going to need to discuss)

Your dog does not have opposable thumbs – I know your pup is smart but you’re going to have to trust me on this one – your dog is physically incapable of picking up his/her own poop. Okay – some dogs (and I’m not saying Simon and Zora – I’m not NOT saying it) but some dogs, have been known to dispose of their poop by eating it…One word….Poopsicles. (You can try to pretend I didn’t say that)

Look it up – dogs do not have hands – those are paws, despite how “special” your dog is. I know this because I have two dogs and neither of them has ever been able to master the art of grabbing a little plastic bag and picking up their own waste. Here’s a “how to” video from Scoop Poop in Puget Sound, Washington just in case you need a play-by-play.

Pick up the dog poop

Am I wrong in believing that everyone knows they are supposed to pick up after their dogs? At least in Boulder it’s pretty much posted EVERYWHERE that one is expected to pick up the poop after their dogs defecate.

Can we at least agree that everyone knows this? (Please tell me the actual expectation is common knowledge) In fact, in Boulder it is a city ordinance that states,

“Picking up your pet’s waste is required by City Ordinance. It is an important way to help preserve our environment as well as prevent the spread of disease. Please be courteous to other Boulder community members by cleaning up after your pet. PENALTIES: In addition to impoundment fees, guardians are subject to a summons to court for violations of the City animal ordinances. The maximum penalty for each violation is $1,000 and/or 90 days in jail. Fines are subject to increase for subsequent violations.”

It should say, “and no one wants to step in your dog’s poo!” Frankly, I’m not sure a $1,000 fine is entirely sufficient.

I suspect that similar ordinances exist all over the country. I’m also pretty sure that when puppies are adopted at the shelter someone mentions the whole “dog guardianship 101” stuff about feeding, sheltering, watering, not leaving in the car, exercise, training and picking up poop. 

There are even poop pick up services. If it is simply too much for your delicate sensibility then hire someone to follow you and Fido around to PICK IT UP. If I can be outside in subzero temperatures at 4:00 some winter morning picking up poo because one of my dogs had to go out in the middle of the night, then you can certainly pick up your dog’s poo when out for a stroll – especially when I offer you a bag. I personally have gone out of my way to find a bag and go back to the spot of the offense if I run out of bags on my walks.

I was walking Simon one day and I saw this gentleman (using the term VERY loosely here) walking a beautiful Weimaraner and just as I was about to get my flirt on, his dog went into the recognizable squat. I was sure this guy would do the right thing- especially with others around -but he started to walk away. I kindly offered him a bag to which he said, and I quote, “That’s okay. I’m good.” Well, sure. You’re good, dude but the rest of us now need to side step Spot’s little (not so little) landmine. THANKS! Can’t tell you how much the rest of us appreciate your thoughtfulness. You’re quite the catch, aren’t you?… I didn’t realize you had received an exemption from picking up the poo while the rest of us poor saps are doomed to a lifetime of watching our steps and being, I don’t know, RESPONSIBLE DOG OWNERS!

It’s in the damn handbook people, if your dog poops… pick it up! End of rant.

Simon Says

I would do it myself but…well, I can’t.

We’ll make it easy on you. Here are some dog poop scooping accessories!

*We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. If you buy something after clicking the affiliate links on this site, your item will not cost more but Sarcastic Dog will get a little coin to keep things running on the blog.
10% of all proceeds on the blog are donated to animal rescue, welfare and advocacy efforts.